Darla L. Henry & Associates Home About Us 3-5-7 Model Calendar GRANTS Blog Resources Contact How do we keep hope alive for those hurt by abuse, abandonment, rejection and neglect? How do we prevent the occurrence of secondary traumas from multiple placements, once a child enters the placement system?  Each move reawakens feelings of abandonment and rejection, multiplying the numbers of losses that each child or youth needs to grieve.

What if we viewed “acting out” behaviors as expressions of unresolved grief?  Grief demonstrated by:

  • denial or avoidance of the reality of the situation;
  •  protest of the reality of the loss through anger and ultimately rage from the deepest feelings of hurt, a life lost as it has been known;
  • sadness to withdrawal to depression from the despair of fearing that no one knows their pain.

“Can anything be done to undo what has resulted in this awful experience—to be placed with strangers, away from those who are to love me most?” Is it validation that you may not be loved, proving your greatest fear—that you may not be lovable?
Ultimately, many behaviors are a bargaining for a return to the relationship where you knew love existed, even if it was inconsistent or with conditions. 

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